Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it's like iHOP with fire
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
