I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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