Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think your dad took our porno
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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