Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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