He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
May the power of my ass compel you!!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
