Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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