this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
