I only kidnapped one of them. chill
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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