Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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