kristin has been a bad kristin
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
