So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
