Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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