I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
