I could make wine with my vomit
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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