you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
