official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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