Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
