You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
