I heard we made out
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
