Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
