Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
