i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
