i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
