i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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