Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We need to get me chipped asap
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
please don't ironically join a cult
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