i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
