i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
