I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
