I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
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Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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