You're so nebulous sometimes
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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