i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
