I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
