I should be sponsored by Trojan
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
