I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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