I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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