god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
