apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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