I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
