He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
