dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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