For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
