Only a mothe r could love this liver
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
