You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
