i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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