i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
