can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize