Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
