In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
