What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
