Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
