I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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