yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
