Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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