i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
