he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
