apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
