my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
