two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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