Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
