Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
