So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Everclear isn't food dammit
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
