someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
