giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
