Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
