one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
