I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
