that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
