i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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