mondays should just be called national damage control day
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
